Approximations, unconditional love and the power of being who we are

My daughter and her friend road the merry-go-round yesterday. I'm well versed in ancient sacred imagery and there was a lot of it on the carousel; goddesses pouring water, lion heads, gilded boughs of grapes. My mind connected with it all as "pretty" and "pleasing", but I also felt how it was energetically disconnected. The artist (or machine) that created the merry-go-round did not have the direct energetic experience with these images and that information was therefore not carried forth in the "art". As it is on the inside so it is on the outside. The physical is a representation of the invisible energy within.

I have been connecting more deeply with the frequency unconditional love. It is uncovering all of the places in my life where I have been living programs of approximation. It's like digital versus analog; the approximations of the sign waves can produce something that looks/sounds like the real thing but it doesn't feel the same or carry the same information. Somewhere along the way in my life I became disconnected with true unconditional love, maybe through trauma, it doesn't matter. Societal norms, advice from self help books, and conditioning helped me to create approximations of this true love in my life so that I could function, so that I could survive. I see these programs everywhere now. To approximate self love I ran a program of conceit, judgement, and comparison. If I could rationally convince myself that I was better than other people then I could "love" myself. I then ran a program of self criticism to balance this program, because unchecked arrogance could also get me into trouble. I judged myself harshly to keep myself in my place and away from external criticism. To approximate self worth I ran a program that included a laundry list of conditional reasons why other people should like me and find me worthy of life and resources (e.g. I'm pretty, nice, helpful, positive, successful, sexually attractive, smart, etc.) I then had to keep up ALL of these conditional qualities up so that others would keep on liking me and finding me useful so that I could experience "self worth."

I am training a new program now, one based on unconditional love (is anything other than unconditional love actually love?) Unconditional love is freeing; it is not based on fixation or a need to keep keep things the same forever. When it is flowing through me, so much of my old programming begins to crumble.

In unconditional love it's not about competition or judging, it's about the wonder of being alive together, in this moment

In unconditional love it's not about yesterday or tomorrow, the NOW is so palpable, so hyper-color, so engaging, any time outside of the present seems dull and irrelevant

In unconditional love it's not about blame, regret, shame, it's about peace with all that was/is/will be, trust in the process comes naturallyIn unconditional love I naturally feel gratitude; I see how I am integral in all aspects of existence, I feel wonder and wholeness in beholding all of life. I no longer need to compare or feel inadequacy or puff myself up in conceit.

In unconditional love it's easy to discern approximations from the truth.

Yesterday standing outside in my spring garden I beheld such a moment of beauty: my beehive humming with fecundity and a sense of "all is right in the world", flowering trees so laden with blooms and scent it made my heart ache, hummingbirds happily drinking the sweet nectar. It was a moment that I wanted to keep forever; but I didn't. I just experienced it for the glory that it was, noticing that the flower's eventually withering would never take away from what they were right now, and that I would have the capacity to still find the wonder in the same scene in the heart of winter when the sun, flowers, and leaves were long gone. I could feel the resonance within myself that just because I too have changed in this life, withered here and there a little, that this in no way diminishes who I am and who I could be, and that I can stop trying to keep up with it all, stop proving myself, stop trying to be anyone or anything other than who I am in this moment...and then in the next.

The Merry-go-round of life.